I Not Stupid

I just have this nagging feeling that I wanna share with all of you. Hope y'all can be a little sensitive and even, sympathetic when you read this post.

So after sem break, it is customary for the test papers to be distributed back to us. My marks were, so so only, i.e. 75 for chemistry, 79 for biology and 66 for physics. The thing that sucks most about my marks were not that I didn't pass the "imaginary" cut-off point (it's imaginary because this is not the AS exam yet) of 12 marks, or 3Bs (a C for my physics), it was, well when I started to compare my marks with others. Those I talked to all got marks that were damn high, and anything less than an A would be considered a disappointment for them. Indirectly, this caused my self-esteem to hit an all time low, and I felt like a failure. Sure didn't help that my college is chock full of geniuses, where everyone is aiming to get over 90.

I could still remember, back in secondary school, I got quite similar marks for most of my subjects. I excelled in none, but got quite well-rounded and average marks. I was no genius no nerd. I wasn't the type of person who has an eidetic memory or a had a supercomputer-ish brain. I worked quite hard to cram all those stuff into my limited brain, where more space is used on remembering things that could be considered worthless, such as NBA history, lyrics, etc. My self esteem was never low, because among the gang I hung out with, my marks were considered quite high (sorry dudes, I have absolutely no intention to look down on your capabilities or anything), and my average marks were of frequent envy by all my fellas. I never got top 10 in my form before, but I manage to save myself a spot in the top 15 in class regularly, so I could be considered the best among my friends academically.

But............ Fate has landed me in a college, where EVERYONE is a JPA scholar. Look one way, got math genius, look another way, got a 16A+ guy whose face is on the pack of Brand's chicken essence. Passing cut off point is not even enough for them, I think they are all aiming for all fucking A stars (something like A+). They can easily beat me in their sleep, or even if they study minimally and DotA for almost half of the day. And though I wanna "nerdify" myself, I could never seem to keep still. My mind wanders off and sometimes I end up on my laptop. Without my parents to boss me around or send me to tuition classes, it all ends up for the worse.

I really wanna try to at least, pass the cut-off point during the next mid-sem exam, if God is willing, than I wanna get 3As as well. But I really don't know how to keep both enjoying college life and working hard to get good results in balance. I really wanna graduate my A-Levels scoring 3As!

Anyone got tips and tricks to share?

I need help.