Solitude

This might hurt some people's feelings. You can go on and hate me, boycott me after you read this. But it's the truth. And it needs to be told.

Spending three days and two nights away from KTT made me realise this.

I realised that I was more happy spending time round old friends from Sunway and my housemates than with other friends from KTT, including my fellow ex-Methodist students.

Even though before this year I hardly even spoke to some of my Sunway friends, being round them still makes me feel happier compared to when I'm round friends from KTT.

Maybe the problem is people from KTT tend to form groups of their own. Groups which I'm always isolated from. Groups which I always feel akward hanging around with. You won't know how akward it was going to watch Inception with a group of people who barely notices your existence. And it was me who invited all of them in the first place.

I am constantly in a world of my own here. I am constantly in situations where I'm all alone. The smiles I put on my face don't show that I am happy. The laughs I share with them aren't genuine. I can't be the real me around them. I shudder at the thought of asking them out during the weekends now. What's the fucking point hanging out with people who might just speak two or three sentences with you for the entire day?

Nevertheless, thank God for awesome housemates. The only time i don't feel lonely is when I'm with them in my apartment at night. That's the only time I can be me. Pity thing is they are all one year program students.

Also, thank God for my old friends from Methodist who are studying in other colleges now. Real happy smiles appear on my face whenever I receive texts, posts on Facebook, or when chatting with them online. Especially a very special friend from Sunway. We just started texting each other lately, but receiving this friend's texts now becomes a thing to look forward to everyday. And you, yes you, from UCSI, you can be kind of a bug sometimes, but at least you still give a damn about me. How I wish I was studying with all of you guys.

So, to my so called KTT friends, it's not that I hate y'all for making me feel isolated. I just wish we can be as cool together as I am with my housemates and friends from other colleges.

I just wanna stop feeling alone here.

God help me.

:-(